vet shadowing

i have a lot of mixed feelings right now.

today i shadowed a Vet at an animal clinic to see if that is what I want to pursue. also they wanted to see if i could handle surgery and all, which indeed i found out...
so while watching the first surgery i did fine and it was all very interesting and neat, yet as it was ending i completely blacked out! I don't even remember it happening, I just remember them helping me up. It was all so sudden and felt so weird.

It was quite embarrassing, but the Lord is humbling me through it.

the vet said the smell might have got to me or I was just standing for too long or yada yada. all i know is that something upset my vegas nerve and it whimped out on me again.
the rest of the day I sat in on some appointments and saw a cat's ear surgery (i survived that one).

i went into this day expecting to come out excited about this vet career and hoping i would come out saying "this is it! my mind is set on this!" but my response has been sort of been the opposite. now that I have seen what vets do, i am not really sure i want to pursue that career and go through all the schooling. but no career looks appealing. i guess that is why they call it a job. it is not always, if ever, fun. i think i am searching too hard for the perfect job when there really isn't one.

"open wide my door, my Lord
to whatever makes me love You more
while there's still light to run towards"

i just don't know anything anymore. i feel like i am going in a million circles. the future is so blurry and my trust is being replaced by confusion and frustration. yet in all of this, i know the Lord will be faithful and his plan for me will be just what i need.
i need to keep reminding myself that.

any pray, encouragement, advice, guidance, etc. would be very much appreciated. thanks.

love.mary nell